


the name of the disease was love

by Tactician



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Fluff and Angst, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Inspired by Music, Other, Un-Beta’d, let belphie smile 2020, spoilers for lessons 16-19, they/them pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:48:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27212212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tactician/pseuds/Tactician
Summary: he knew he wouldn’t be able to patch over the hole pierced into his heart by their absence. but maybe, despite his sickness, he could still learn to smile on his own.
Relationships: Belphegor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Belphegor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Belphegor/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	the name of the disease was love

for belphegor, falling asleep was effortless. for as long as he could remember, he slept and slept and slept, and most often it brought him all the serenity he needed. but over time, as hate and untouched grief boiled inside of him, it sometimes came to feel like somewhat of a depressing excuse to escape. after all, it was an easy out to postpone his fear of what faced him when he awoke. 

his life had been halted by the man he once admired most. after years spent caged, lost, and enraged, he had lost sight of how to live at all. 

then, as if by fate, the human came along. he dreamed of destroying them.

since his fall, belphegor found himself hollow, found himself abandoning all passions barring his thirst for revenge. a boiling hatred grew inside of him and he thought that he wouldn’t mind if his desire became his finale. yet, inexplicably, that same human fell willingly into his trap simply because they wanted to save him, and despite his rage he began to wonder if maybe... _maybe_ they might have truly cared for him. and ludicrously, that vexing kindness toward the demon who killed them taught him to trust again. it taught him to live again. to see wonder in the long, long life he was chained to. when his world had darkened so many years ago, he thought that his innocent sense of awe was lost forever.

yet even through his stubborn bitterness, he had fallen once again; this time into the same rose-colored fever that had killed his only sister. for the first time since her death, he wanted to visit the human world again. he wanted to walk side by side with the human who brought him back to life. ridiculous, wasn’t it? so ridiculous and stupid it was almost terrifying. 

that affection pained him. he had lost so much time that could have been spent with them, with no false pretenses or ill intentions. if he had only been there from the start, he wondered if things might be different, if maybe he could be the one who was special to them. but even after risking so much to free him, he knew that the first person who refused to let him feel alone wasn’t really his. his brothers wanted them, too. thinking about this made his chest ache and his body feel hot with jealousy, and each time he walked into their room to see mammon already lounging on the bed he felt a tremendous sense of fatigue that had him sleeping through dinner.

a useless phrase began coming to mind. that nauseating, sappy garbage about suffering making one stronger... if that was true, he wondered how he could possibly see the years past as any kind of blessing. still, that human seemed to have a talent for making him wonder. he may have felt sick with dread at the thought of not being good enough for them, but each time he stood next to them and their light shone on him...he felt himself melting. was this what made him stronger? was it okay to hurt if it meant opening his heart again? he didn’t have an answer. but he knew that no matter what he felt, he would make the most of the time he had been given.

and all too soon, that year flew by. as their return to the human world crept closer, he wondered how it could be that he couldn’t see a future without them by his side. 

one night, as he lie awake in the dark next to beelzebub in a rare bout of insomnia, he jolted. at the news of the exchange coming to an end, even beel had been deep in thought. he must have been lying awake too, thinking about the human. and through their bond, with dazzling clarity belphegor suddenly saw his twin brother’s feelings for what they were, maybe before he himself understood. he only wanted the best for beel, so why did he feel so nauseous at the thought of the two of them together?

it finally clicked. in awe, he made a discovery. a wave of shame washed over him as he cursed his stupidity, but he had never felt this way before. so could anyone blame him for ignoring his symptoms until it was too late? 

he knew what he had been suffering from for so long. it was called love. 

x

belphegor searched desperately for answers and found none. diavolo had no intention of keeping the human, let alone a reason for them to stay. but how could he let them leave his world so easily without ever having given them his heart? it couldn’t end this way. they may have been his illness, but they were also the cure.

so on their last night, he asked them to run away with him, to start a new life, to create a family with him and beel. they could stay together, the way they were always meant to...!

...he was met with heavy silence. _hey, don’t go quiet all of the sudden,_ he wanted to say, but of course, he should’ve expected that. they had a life to return to, loose ends that needed tying. and maybe too little time had passed for them to be able to call the devildom her home. 

for them to run away with him, for him to finally admit that he really wasn’t _fine_ with being alone...belphegor was just dreaming as he always did. 

but suddenly, they dove forward, catching his lips in a quick, gentle kiss before burying their face in his chest. he stood still for a moment in his shock, relishing in the feeling of their body pressed against his. his chest ached so deeply. _they felt the same about him,_ everything he wanted was right there in his arms! the stars had aligned above his head. so why did it have to be this way? how could it be so excruciating to be in love? 

he knew they could feel his heart pounding, and he silently thanked their position. they couldn’t see how his cheeks went up in flames and tears burned behind his eyes. he wondered whether they looked the same. he wondered how the two of them could possibly move forward like this. his throat became uncomfortably twisted as the painful silence dragged on, so he dug his face into their hair and wrapped his arms more snugly around them. all he could do was breathe them in, scrambling to burn their scent and their warmth into his mind before he could forget it forever.

finally, the human slowly lowered their arms to pull away. he felt as if someone had thrown a punch to his gut as he realized that this was his first taste of the distance that would grow between them. he wanted to say something, anything to let them know how much they meant to him, but he had never proficient in the art of heartfelt words. a “nevermind everything i just said” threatened to spill out of him as he opened his mouth to speak, suddenly feeling so vulnerable he couldn’t stand it. he looked up to meet their eyes, and—

perplexingly, they were smiling. 

belphegor had always felt that the bond they shared was special. after all, they could see through each other even without speaking. they knew that words were never sufficient for him, so they grew to express themself without them. and for that, though he’d never say it, he was so, so grateful. but in that moment he just couldn’t understand them. in his confusion, his thoughts began to run wild. maybe they were happy to finally move on, maybe the brothers had burdened them too heavily with their reliance on this human, and maybe his cynical nature broke the spell and he had finally driven them away. at the thought of one of his greatest fears materializing in front of him, he wished he could sink to the ground and fall into a slumber until they quietly left him.

but when he _really_ looked at them, his breath left him and even the most stubborn of his doubts were swiftly washed away. how could he not hold the tiniest glimmer of hope when they looked at him so tenderly?

their eyes sparkled with affection. “belphie, i’m so glad i got to see you smile.”

x

to say he might see them again soon was nothing but a beautiful lie. and yet he let himself believe it. the brothers’ arms would be open to them until the very end of their fragile existence. however many years passed, he believed they would return. it was because they had unchained him. they had given him back his angels’ wings.

he knew he wouldn’t be able to patch over the hole pierced into his heart by their absence. but maybe, despite his sickness, he could still learn to smile on his own.

x

he had never seen the human cry. not when his hands had once wrapped around their neck, not even as their life faded away inside a body too broken to repair. this time was no exception. he knew that each one of the demons was special to them. and because they knew how the brothers were hurting, they would always, _always_ so idiotically force strength into themselves for the others’ sake. 

as the time came to say goodbye, he hoped that they could begin to put themself first when they returned home.

the stupid human didn’t want to make them worry, or make it harder than it already was to part from them. so maybe he was being selfish, but he had to tell them he loved them, that he would always love them and he would never dream of stopping. they smiled at his honesty and their hearts swelled as they gazed at each other, but their eyes betrayed the melancholy they were straining so desperately to hold inside.

he hadn’t seen them cry, and even on that day he wouldn’t. but the moment they turned her back to them, he knew there were tears on their face that wouldn’t be drying any time soon.

after all, they both suffered from the disease called love.

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by neru’s song: https://youtu.be/2IH-toUoq3w 病名は愛だった/the disease called love
> 
> sorry if anything seems inconsistent/doesn’t make sense, this was sort of a vent fic i really wanted to get out because i’ve been having a bit of a hard time lately. i ended up writing a lot of it during class and while i was sleepy so that explains why it might read a little weird LOL.  
> let me know if there are any places where i forgot to change pronouns or if there are places where it gets confusing. i originally wrote this for myself so that would be why there are any she/her’s floating about...i’m not super experienced in using they/them pronouns in a third-person story, so i hope i did okay!  
> either way, i hope you enjoyed! (:


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